Episode 47: Dear Unshakable Believers in the Almighty U.S. Dollar

This is our letter to the Unshakable Believers in the Almighty U.S. Dollar. We hope that you find the comical satire in our letters and stay tuned for more letters to come.

Legal Disclaimer: The following letter is a work of satire and comedy. All names, events, and scenarios are fictionalized for humorous purposes and are not intended to be taken as factual statements. 

READ THE LETTER - EPISODE 47 - Dear Unshakable Believers in the Almighty U.S. Dollar

Dear Unshakable Believers in the Almighty U.S. Dollar,

 

We just wanted to applaud your unwavering faith in the sacred green paper blessed by the Federal Reserve itself. Truly, your devotion is inspiring.

 

While some folks put their trust in something as absurd as a Higher Power or a Creator of the universe, you have chosen the One True God: a fiat currency backed by... well, vibes and debt.

 

It’s touching, really, how you scoff at belief in a divine being who created life, yet you place absolute trust in a government institution that has printed more money in the last five years than it had in the entire 20th century. Inspirational. Heavenly, even.

 

Let’s be real, who needs eternal salvation when you’ve got 18% interest on a credit card and inflation that makes eggs a luxury item?

 

You believe with all your heart that the dollar will never fail, despite the fact that it’s backed by nothing but trust in a system that burns through your savings like a California wildfire.

 

But hey, believing in a God who offers grace? Now that’s ridiculous, right?

 

We also find it poetic that you roll your eyes at people praying while simultaneously worshipping economic forecasts from unelected Fed officials like they’re the Book of Revelation. You trust these people to control your financial destiny more than a priest trusts his Sunday sermon notes.

 

 

And let’s not forget how you mock those who tithe to their churches… while paying half your income to taxes, fees, and inflation, with a smile, because “that’s just how it works.”

 

If faith were measured in obedience and tolerance to being financially waterboarded, you'd all be saints.

 

So here’s to you, believers in the All-Knowing Almighty Dollar, may your 401(k) never crash, your CPI numbers stay low, and your ATM always work during a blackout. And may you one day discover that perhaps… just maybe… faith in something eternal might be worth more than a stack of depreciating rectangles.

 

With deep sarcasm and a wink from the heavens,
The People Who Hedge Their Bets

 

P.S. When the dollar does eventually buckle under the weight of its own delusion, don’t worry, we’ll be here with open arms, and maybe even a loaf of bread. But bring something to barter with.

 

Preferably silver.

 

Legal Disclaimer: The following letter is a work of satire and comedy. All names, events, and scenarios are fictionalized for humorous purposes and are not intended to be taken as factual statements.