Episode 42: Dear City Planners

This is our letter to City Planners. We hope that you find the comical satire in our letters and stay tuned for more letters to come.

Legal Disclaimer: The following letter is a work of satire and comedy. All names, events, and scenarios are fictionalized for humorous purposes and are not intended to be taken as factual statements.

READ THE LETTER - EPISODE 42 - Dear City Planners

Dear City Planners,

 

Thanks for that multi-lane roundabout. We love the chaos.

 

Dear Urban Engineers of Whimsy and Confusion,

 

Just wanted to drop a quick note to say: congratulations. You’ve successfully turned a simple intersection into a four-lane Mad Max battle arena and called it "progress."

 

Because clearly, when faced with the choice between a functional traffic light and a swirling death vortex of blinking yield signs, you said, “Let’s spice it up.”

 

Let’s be honest:

• Nobody knows the rules.
• The yield signs are just suggestions.
• Every exit feels like a panic attack with blinker confusion.
• And “lane discipline” is now a myth like Bigfoot or reliable city council meetings.

Did we need a roundabout with 3 lanes, a concrete donut, and seven exits?

 

No.

But you gave us one anyway, like Oprah giving out car crashes.

“You get a merge! YOU get a merge! Nobody gets clarity!”

 

And the best part?

You installed it in a city where half the population can’t handle a 4-way stop.

Bold move. Chaos levels: European vacation with no map.

 

Look, we understand you read one article from 2007 about “fluid traffic movement in Denmark,” but we live in a place where people still park diagonally across two spots at Walmart.

 

We’re not ready.

 

So, thank you.

For turning morning commutes into NASCAR tryouts.

For making left turns a philosophical question.

And for single-handedly raising our insurance premiums.

 

Round and round we go sincerely savage,
Your bewildered, blinker-mashing citizens

 

Legal Disclaimer: The following letter is a work of satire and comedy. All names, events, and scenarios are fictionalized for humorous purposes and are not intended to be taken as factual statements.