Episode 37: Dear Gayle King, Astronaut of Vibes

This is our letter to Gayle King, Astronaut of Vibes. We hope that you find the comical satire in our letters and stay tuned for more letters to come.

Legal Disclaimer: The following letter is a work of satire and comedy. All names, events, and scenarios are fictionalized for humorous purposes and are not intended to be taken as factual statements. 

READ THE LETTER - EPISODE 37 - Dear Gayle King, Astronaut of Vibes

Dear Gayle King, Astronaut of Vibes,

We heard your impassioned plea to be recognized in the same breath as Neil Armstrong and Buzz Aldrin, you know, those guys who strapped themselves to rocket-fueled death tubes and floated through actual vacuum to walk on a rock 238,855 miles away.

And listen, you did sit in that seat like a champ.

You bravely endured a brief, high-altitude arc that lasted about as long as it takes to microwave a burrito. You wore a blue jumpsuit. You floated for 45 seconds. You waved to Earth with the grace of someone in zero gravity… and zero humility.

But when you claimed you deserve the same credit as space program astronauts, we have to ask: Did you train for years? Did you study astrophysics? Did you poop in a bag while orbiting Earth? No?

That wasn’t a space mission, Gayle; that was a PR mission with a splash of altitude. A billionaire-funded carnival ride masquerading as exploration. Space tourism is the new clout chariot, and somehow we’re all expected to clap like it’s the moon landing reboot.

Don’t get us wrong, you looked great, and that CGI Earth you were “hovering” above was definitely giving screensaver. But let’s not confuse “payload passenger” with “pioneer.”

Sincerely Savage,
Those of Us Still Paying Rent on Earth

Legal Disclaimer: The following letter is a work of satire and comedy. All names, events, and scenarios are fictionalized for humorous purposes and are not intended to be taken as factual statements.