Episode 36: Dear Sports Teams Expecting Public Funding for Private Stadiums
C MThis is our letter to the Sports Teams Expecting Public Funding for Private Stadiums. We hope that you find the comical satire in our letters and stay tuned for more letters to come.
Legal Disclaimer: The following letter is a work of satire and comedy. All names, events, and scenarios are fictionalized for humorous purposes and are not intended to be taken as factual statements.
READ THE LETTER - EPISODE 36 - Dear Sports Teams Expecting Public Funding for Private Stadiums
Dear Sports Teams Expecting Public Funding for Private Stadiums,
Ah yes, the age-old tradition: billionaire owners, millionaire players, and somehow, taxpayer-funded mega-stadiums.
You roll into town with renderings of shimmering glass walls, retractable roofs, and “community revitalization” plans that suspiciously resemble overpriced condos and displaced locals. You say it's an investment in the city, and by that, you clearly mean our wallets.
How convenient that you can't pay for your own state-of-the-art coliseum, but you can spend $40 million on a backup quarterback and a holographic mascot.
And then there's the promise: jobs! tourism! economic growth!
Except the only job that seems to stick is “part-time hot dog vendor,” and the growth is in your team valuation, not in public schools or transit.
Let’s be clear: if regular people can’t afford the nosebleeds, and the city can’t afford the next budget cut, maybe, just maybe, the people who profit most should foot the bill.
We’re not against sports. We’re against publicly funding your private palace while potholes swallow entire neighborhoods.
So, unless your team starts offering equity and season tickets in exchange for our tax dollars, please draft a new playbook, preferably one that doesn’t run the same tired hustle.
Sincerely Savage,
The Home Team Who's Been Paying the Real Price
Legal Disclaimer: The following letter is a work of satire and comedy. All names, events, and scenarios are fictionalized for humorous purposes and are not intended to be taken as factual statements.