Episode 29: Dear People Who Stop to Gawk at Car Accidents and Police Activity

This is our letter to the People Who Stop to Gawk at Car Accidents and Police Activity. We hope that you find the comical satire in our letters and stay tuned for more letters to come.

Legal Disclaimer: The following letter is a work of satire and comedy. All names, events, and scenarios are fictionalized for humorous purposes and are not intended to be taken as factual statements. 

READ THE LETTER - EPISODE 29 - Dear People Who Stop to Gawk at Car Accidents and Police Activity

Dear People Who Stop to Gawk at Car Accidents and Police Activity,

 

Congratulations.

You’ve officially turned a stranger’s worst day into your afternoon entertainment.

 

Because nothing screams "compassion" like slowing down traffic for three miles just so you can rubberneck at someone else’s fender bender like it’s the season finale of Law & Order: Rear-End Victims Unit.

 

Let me guess, you saw flashing lights, immediately threw your car into slow motion, rolled down your window, and craned your neck like you were trying to spot Bigfoot. Not to help. Not to call 911. Not to offer aid. No, no, just to get a glimpse. Just to say, “Ooh, looks bad!” before speeding off like you were never emotionally involved.

 

And don’t even try to deny it; we see you. You, with your phone halfway out the window, narrating to your carpool like an unpaid news anchor:

“Looks like two cars, airbags deployed… Oof, someone’s gonna need insurance!”

 

What exactly is the goal here? Are you planning to medically intervene from the driver’s seat of your Subaru? Solve the case?

 

Deliver a monologue to the officers about traffic patterns and lane safety?

 

Or are you just so bored that human suffering is your daily episode of reality TV?

 

Meanwhile, the rest of us? We’re stuck in the backup you helped create, not because of the actual incident, but because you and 400 of your closest highway friends decided to audition for “America’s Next Top Bystander.”

 

We’re not saying we don’t care. We’re saying care without being the reason everyone’s 45 minutes late to work. Be shocked internally.

 

Gasp in your heart. Keep it moving. You can process your fascination with flashing lights after you’ve safely passed the scene.

 

So, here’s a radical idea:

Next time you see emergency vehicles, try this: keep driving like a normal person.

Let the first responders do their job. Let the injured get care. Let the rest of us get to our destination before retirement.

 

Sincerely Savage,
Everyone Trapped in the Looky-Loo Parade Behind You

 

Legal Disclaimer: The following letter is a work of satire and comedy. All names, events, and scenarios are fictionalized for humorous purposes and are not intended to be taken as factual statements.