Episode 22: Dear AI Voice Scams
C MThis is our letter to the AI Voice Scammers. We hope that you find the comical satire in our letters and stay tuned for more letters to come.
Legal Disclaimer: The following letter is a work of satire and comedy. All names, events, and scenarios are fictionalized for humorous purposes and are not intended to be taken as factual statements.
READ THE LETTER - EPISODE 22 - Dear AI Voice Scams
Dear AI Voice Scams,
It wasn’t enough that we had to worry about Nigerian princes, car warranty robocalls, or "Microsoft Support" telling us our computer has a virus from 1997; no, you had to level up and bring in the robots.
Now, thanks to your creepy genius, I get a call from “Grandma” at 2 a.m., sobbing in a robotic tone that sounds like Siri had a nervous breakdown. And for a brief moment, I actually believed it. I almost wired money to a Bitcoin ATM in a gas station parking lot because Alexa’s evil twin told me Grandma was in jail.
Well done. You’ve weaponized nostalgia and machine learning in one smooth, dystopian package.
And let’s talk about the talent you’re cloning. Could you maybe not use the most wholesome voices to commit fraud? Hearing my 8-year-old niece’s voice asking for help while I’m making toast?
That’s not a scam; that’s emotional terrorism.
You know who should be afraid of you? Telemarketers. Because your scams are so efficient, you’ve put entire call centers out of work. It’s truly inspiring that the first time artificial intelligence was used, it was to steal instead of streamline. Progress!
And what’s with using the real voices of celebrities now? I’m not Venmo-ing you money because “Morgan Freeman” says he’s stuck in a CVS parking lot and needs bus fare. Try harder. Or at least auto-tune it and drop a mixtape.
Here’s a fun idea: how about we clone your voice, confess to every scam you’ve ever run, and post it as a podcast called "How to Catch a Digital Moron". I bet it’d top the charts right under “Crime Junkie” and “Why Society is Broken.”
In the meantime, I’m forwarding your calls straight to my voicemail… which has now been replaced by an AI that screams like a banshee every time you call. Fair’s fair.
Sincerely Savage,
A human who still double-checks with Grandma before wiring any Bitcoin.
Legal Disclaimer: The following letter is a work of satire and comedy. All names, events, and scenarios are fictionalized for humorous purposes and are not intended to be taken as factual statements.