Episode 20: Dear Wells Fargo

This is our letter to Wells Fargo. We hope that you find the comical satire in our letters and stay tuned for more letters to come.

Legal Disclaimer: The following letter is a work of satire and comedy. All names, events, and scenarios are fictionalized for humorous purposes and are not intended to be taken as factual statements. 

READ THE LETTER - EPISODE 20 - Dear Wells Fargo

Dear Wells Fargo,

 

Thank you for redefining what it means to be a bank. Most institutions just hold your money. But you? You created fake accounts in your customers' names for them—without their consent! That’s what we call initiative. Or, you know… felony fraud.

 

And for that little stunt? A few billion dollars in fines. Chump change, right? Because in true Wells Fargo fashion, you didn’t skip a beat—you just turned around and charged your customers more fees to recoup it.

 

That’s innovation. That’s hustle. That’s… legally questionable.

 

We especially admire your consistency.

• Over 3.5 million unauthorized accounts opened? No problem.
• Force-placing auto insurance on car loan customers? Classic.
• Illegally repossessing vehicles from active-duty military service members? That’s a new level of “supporting the troops.”
• Altering customer information to meet internal sales quotas? A+ for creativity!

 

But let’s talk about those “service charges.”

Ah, yes, the $15 “maintenance fee” for you to maintain access to our own money. Or the $35 overdraft fee charged three times in a row—for one declined transaction. That’s not banking; that’s the digital-age version of highway robbery in a suit.

 

And just when people thought about leaving, you gave them a reason to stay: no other bank is this entertaining. Where else can you get surprise account closures, frozen assets, and the occasional unauthorized wire transfer? It’s like a financial escape room—except no one gets out.

 

But through it all, you remind us of one thing: there is no problem in modern banking that can’t be solved with a fee, a rebranding campaign, and another “We Take Your Trust Seriously” ad. Truly inspiring.

 

So, thank you, Wells Fargo, for reminding America that justice for corporations is a fine they’ll never feel… and the bill always ends up in the hands of the people who trusted you.

 

Sincerely Savage,
A Nation That’s Learned to Read the Fine Print in Bold

 

P.S. If you ever consider a side hustle in organized crime, don’t bother—you’re already overqualified.

 

Legal Disclaimer: The following letter is a work of satire and comedy. All names, events, and scenarios are fictionalized for humorous purposes and are not intended to be taken as factual statements.