Episode 19: Dear World Bank
C MThis is our letter to the World Bank. We hope that you find the comical satire in our letters and stay tuned for more letters to come.
Legal Disclaimer: The following letter is a work of satire and comedy. All names, events, and scenarios are fictionalized for humorous purposes and are not intended to be taken as factual statements.
READ THE LETTER - EPISODE 17 - Dear World Bank
Dear World Bank,
First of all, thank you. Truly. For being the single most efficient machine ever built to fight poverty… by managing it like a subscription service.
We know your intentions are noble; just ask your PR team! But let’s be honest: If poverty actually disappeared, what would your 189 member nations do with all that bureaucracy and catered luncheons?
You’ve spent decades “helping” developing countries by offering them loans so generously rigged, they make payday lenders look like philanthropists.
Want a water treatment plant?
Sure, just accept 80 pages of economic reforms, sell your national utility, cut public services, deregulate your industries, and pledge allegiance to our sacred spreadsheet. Easy!
You’re like the Oprah of debt:
“You get a loan! You get a loan! Everyone gets a lifetime of debt and austerity policies!”
And let’s not forget your genius "structural adjustment programs," because what better way to help a struggling nation than by forcing them to cut healthcare and education in exchange for infrastructure they may or may not need?
You’ve basically created a global debt treadmill, where nations sprint endlessly toward economic growth goals… while you hold the finish line and keep moving it farther away.
And somehow, while developing nations drown in conditions and compounding interest, your execs fly first class to climate summits to lecture the world on equity.
You’re like the banker in Monopoly who also writes the rules and fines the other players for not using the official dice.
Oh, and climate change!
You’ve really outdone yourselves there. Investing in green energy projects while still funding coal plants and petroleum exploration because, hey, a diversified portfolio is what really saves the planet, right?
So, thank you, World Bank, for your unwavering dedication to global development, as long as “development” means endless dependency, privatized essentials, and Western consultants billing $800/hour to tell a village in Uganda how to run a latrine.
Sincerely Savage,
A World That Would Prefer Its Own Sovereignty Back
P.S. Do your loan agreements come in bulk yet, or are they still individually crafted by 37 economists and a Geneva lawyer named Klaus?
Legal Disclaimer: The following letter is a work of satire and comedy. All names, events, and scenarios are fictionalized for humorous purposes and are not intended to be taken as factual statements.